


Light up the dark in you

by dreams_of_lavender



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo Pain Train, Enthusiastic Consent, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Force Bond (Star Wars), Fun with Force Bonds, Hux is an asshole, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, POV Kylo Ren, POV Rey (Star Wars), Possible Character Death, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Reylo - Freeform, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, The Force Ships It, The author kindly asks you to please kindly forgive any canonverse mistakes, Trust Issues, Vaginal Sex, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-05 14:12:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17920325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreams_of_lavender/pseuds/dreams_of_lavender
Summary: It is post TLJ and Rey and Kylo Ren/Ben Solo are still force bond connected. They both struggle with their feelings of abandonment and growing attraction for one another. Meanwhile the force is still searching for balance and has bigger plans for the two of them.





	1. I don't have to mention that I saw you today

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so please be gentle. The title and storyline are inspired by the song Light up the dark by Gabrielle Aplin. Every time I hear this song I think of the complex relationship between Kylo Ren/Ben Solo and Rey. Hopefully I will do their relationship justice. I have a rough outline of the fic so I will hopefully be able to update weekly (no promises though). Oh and since I know no one, this fic is not beta'd by anyone lol. Any mistakes made are 100% mine. Enjoy!

It has been three days since she last slept, which ironically enough was the last night she spent on Ahch-To. Between the fear of being discovered by the First Order and the worry that the force bond will open at any given moment, Rey hasn’t been able to relax enough to fall asleep. Every time she closes her eyes, she sees Kylo Ren’s hand extended towards her. The throne room scene replays over and over in her head. Fighting by his side, she had never felt so in sync with anyone in her entire existence. The bond between them sang in those perilous minutes, it hummed with a vibration that resonated deep within her soul. During those minutes in the throne room that felt like hours, she knew he felt the same way. The bond vibrated with the feeling of balance. Right now nothing felt balanced. Her whole world was off kilter. 

The pitiful remainder of Resistance members had fled Crait for an uninhabited planet in the Outer Rim. The old Resistance base had long been abandoned but fortunately for her it was large enough that she didn’t have to share quarters with anyone. They were regrouping and hopefully rebuilding after their loss. 

Rey felt like she would never be able to sleep so instead she lay in bed trying to count the stars, trying to not think about Kylo Ren and what he would be doing right now, of what she would have been doing had she accepted his offer. Twin moons shone through the window of her room, illuminating her face. With the combination of her exhaustion and the tranquility of the night, she finally drifted off to a dreamless sleep. 

As her mental shields went down and she relaxed into her sleep she didn’t hear the vacuum of the force bond igniting. Kylo Ren stood next to her bed in his sleep pants, confused to be standing in her room. He had been getting ready to retire and his thoughts had been drifting, trying to make sense of how much he had fucked up with regards to her. The scavenger. He was torn between hating her for rejecting him and hating himself for thinking she could ever love a monster like him. The moonlight shone on her face as he looked down upon her. 

Kriff! He thought to himself. She looked so small curled up in a ball under the thin blanket. A mix of rage and tenderness flooded his system. He was still so angry about how horribly it all went on the Supremacy. Her rejection of him cut into his tattered soul. Yet at the same time he yearned for her embrace and her acceptance of him. As his eyes wandered over her sleeping form, he realized that a strand of her hair was strewn across her face. He longed to sweep it aside but wasn’t ready to face her fury and hatred of him if she awoke. 

He didn’t know what to do with himself or how long this connection was going to last. He decided that if the force was going to amplify his misery by projecting him into her space, he might as well take the opportunity to wallow in his self pity. Kylo Ren sat on the edge of the bed. Clearly the force was torturing him. He hadn’t figured out how to close this kriffing bond. At the same time he wasn’t sure he wanted to. 

Rey stirred in her sleep and brushed up against his leg. He jolted from the unexpected shock of her touch. Oh how he longed to touch her, how he longed to hold her and soak in her smell. His misery seeped through the bond and she stirred again, this time the cover fell off to reveal her long legs, which were bare since she was wearing sleep shorts. Something deep stirred inside him. His desire to just be with her was so overwhelming. It was as if she was a bright sun and he was a planet orbiting around her. He just wanted to bask in her and everything she meant to him. Slowly he drifted off to sleep thinking only of her. It had been a rough few days between taking control of the First Order and trying to process what the fuck had gone wrong between him and Rey and sleep had eluded him. Kylo Ren ended up slinking down in his slumber, landing next to Rey softly. 

The bond buzzed from their closeness. In her sleep she turned into his warmth, wrapping one arm around his bare torso. She snuggled into him and promptly woke up in a panic. Her spike in emotion resulted in his disappearance as the force abruptly ended their connection. Rey didn’t know how to feel. On one hand she had felt such peace in her dreamless state, on the other hand she felt so betrayed by him and by the force. With a sigh she turned over and closed her eyes. Willing herself to not think about how good it felt to just be in his arms before the bond slammed shut. She could smell him on the pillow next to her. It was the closest they had ever physically been other than that one time in her hut on Ahch-To. 

Her emotions were at war over him. He was everything she was supposed to hate, he had taken so much from her, had asked her to betray the only family she had ever had in order to join him. And yet she could still sense the light within him. She was drawn to both his darkness and his light. Reluctantly, Rey had to admit that she had never felt more alive than in the moments she had spent with him. Her juxtaposing emotions were so confusing. Curse this force bond and curse Kylo Ren! As she tossed and turned she knew that it was going to be another sleepless night.


	2. I shone the sun into your eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day brings confusion and clarity. Rose and Rey bond while repairing the Falcon. Kylo Ren is dealing Supreme Leader duties that are mentally taxing. Rey is trying to decipher the Jedi texts she stole from Ahch-To and to reconnect the kyber crystal that broke in two on the Supremacy. While meditating, Rey pulls Kylo Ren into her dream and together they find themselves on a planet that looks an awful lot like Naboo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the wonderful comments and the kudos! I was hoping to get this written sooner but my 4 year old took a tumble down our super steep stairs and it has been a crazy week. He's fine although a bit bruised. Again I want to apologize for my rusty writing. It has been a while since I've written anything and dialogue is hard lol. I own up to any and all mistakes, which hopefully aren't too many. I hope you enjoy the update!

Kylo Ren awoke feeling well rested for the first time in months. He knew that it wasn’t by chance that he had actually slept. 

Clearly being in her presence had allowed him the comfort of relaxing for long enough to fall into a deep sleep. He wondered how long their connection had lasted. 

Kylo had been over analyzing pretty much everything when it came to Rey. She had haunted his dreams long before he had ever met her. He had felt off kilter since the forest on Takodana.

Since that first in person encounter he had never felt so off balance. Meeting her in person was like reliving a dream that he had had many times. 

She intrigued him, the girl who came from nothing. The force’s answer to his darkness. 

Yet at the same time she had been in his head. Rey had seen everything he had struggled to hide. 

Even though she had seen his darkest secrets, something had compelled her to come to him on the Supremacy. The minute she was headed towards him he knew. He could feel the bond tightening like a string being wound up. 

As the distance between them closed, he could feel the connection between them grow stronger. It was as if they were two magnets being drawn towards each other. Regardless of all of the chaos in the galaxy, her coming to him gave him such peace. 

Not surprisingly right now he felt nothing but chaos; with Rey who knows where in the galaxy, and his leadership off to a rocky start. 

Almost every single thing about her resonated somewhere hidden within him and it scared him to think about how deeply he felt about her. 

Her rejection of him was the hardest part to swallow. He had put everything on the line to save her and yet she still didn’t feel the same way about him as he did her. 

All of these swirling emotions would have to wait unfortunately, since the galaxy needed a leader and since he knew General Hux was going to try to usurp his power as soon as he saw his first opening. 

He had several meetings scheduled this morning and hopefully he would find some time to take out his frustrations with regards to how badly he had screwed things up with Rey, while sparring with one of his knights later.

Kylo didn’t have time to mull over what had happened the night before. The galaxy wasn’t going to rule itself and he had better get out of bed. 

\---------------------------------

Rey was out of bed at dawn, and took to working on the Falcon in order to repair the damage that had been inflicted on Crait when every single ship had tried to shoot her and Chewie out of the sky. 

“What’s the status on the Kuat drive yards shield generator that was damaged?” Rose asked her. 

“I'm pretty sure I can repair it, although it’s probably going to take some time.” Rey responded. 

“Are you still working on getting the C-Beam Lamps up and running with Chewie?” Rey called out before Rose disappeared. 

“Yeah,” Rose called back before she disappeared back down the ramp. “His height is coming in handy although the conversation is a little one sided.”

Rey was happy for the distraction, since she had been awake most of the night thinking about the Force bond and Kylo Ren. 

Rey had never really had time for friends before leaving Jakku. Over the past several days though, she had fallen into a somewhat easy camaraderie with Rose who was passionate, bubbly and kind. 

Rey who had always been one to keep to herself, had found herself wanting to open up to Rose about her past. 

Her feelings for Kylo Ren however were harder to share. 

Honestly, Rey had never felt so comfortable with someone in her entire life as she had with him. She felt like they had understood one another so profoundly until he had made him that offer for her to join him. 

Rey had known only for a matter of days what it was like to matter to someone. He had told her that she wasn't alone. However life seemed to go back to normal by disappointing her once again. 

The reality of the war and the fact that they were on opposing sides was like a wake up call. However, as hard as she tried to deny it, she was no longer that girl who was left behind. 

So why did she feel changed? Why did she feel like she had to hide all that had happened between them? She couldn't even tell his own mother, who she suspected knew something had happened between her and Ben. 

Rey tried to drown out her neverending train of self deprecating thoughts by losing herself in her work. Several hours and a few repairs later, she and Rose decided to take a break for lunch. 

Chewie wasn’t interested in eating with them and went back inside the Falcon to check on a Porg had just had hatchlings a few days ago. 

The two women sat side by side under a tree watching the growing dark clouds appear ominously on the horizon. 

Rose chatted easily with Rey while they ate. “I've never been to Jakku or really and desert planet with sand you know.” 

Rose seemed to talk a lot when she was nervous or excited. 

“Honestly I don't miss sand in literally every crevice of my body.” Rey responded and Rose laughed. 

“I mean Canto Bight is technically on a desert planet but we weren't really exposed too much to the barren desert part of Cantonica. But I trust you know what you're talking about Rey” said Rose. 

Rey found her so sweet and sincere, yet she knew that Rose was a survivor like she was from what Finn had shared about her. 

“Do you remember what your planet was like before…” Rey started saying until she realized what finishing that sentence would really mean. 

But before she could dwell on how inept she was at conversation Rose responded, “before the First order enslaved my Homeworld and used us to mine the weapons they would later destroy my people with?” Rey cringed. 

Rose continued on, “Well Hays Minor really wasn't anything special most of the time. Except for during the coldest winter months when the sky would dance with vibrant colours. The auroras happen more frequently in the south, which was closer to where my family originated from or so I'm told. Paige and I only had the chance to see the auroras a few times ourselves.” 

Rey truly didn't know how to respond to Rose. She had struggled with her own sense of loss but it was for parents she couldn’t remember. Also, she had never had someone close to her own age to talk to other than Kylo. 

On Jakku Rey had mostly kept to herself. Part of her reasons for that had to do with the competitiveness between her and the other scavengers. 

Another reason was she couldn't stand Plutt. He made her work twice as hard as everyone else for her portions. She was happy to be out of that hellhole even if it meant admitting the truth about her past and her parents. 

Just as they were finishing their meal the sky opened up and the rain started falling heavily. 

Since they wouldn't be able to continue the repairs on the outside of the falcon, the girls ran for the base. 

Rey was tempted to stay out in the warm rain like she had their first day there. 

She was fascinated with the rain, having first experienced it only a couple of weeks ago when she had gone searching for Luke. 

Unlike the cold rain on Ahch-To, this warm downpour beckoned her to experience the pure joy of water in a way she had never felt before. 

It had rained every afternoon since their arrival and Rey was starting to truly appreciate the tropical weather here. 

Today though she wanted some quiet time to herself in order to study the Jedi texts she had taken from Ahch-To. So she parted ways with Rose and headed back to her quarters. 

Once back in her room, Rey quickly peeled off her soaking wet clothing down to her under clothes. Her hair was a hot mess from the rain so she untied her buns and let her locks cascade down to her shoulders. 

The humidity on this planet was insane. Her damp hair curled gently around her face. 

Rey flipped open one of the texts to a page she had found on kyber crystals the day before. She was still trying to figure out how to read some of the texts, while others like the book in her hands, had codes built into them that she was able to use as a key to translate what was written. 

She hadn't had the chance to read everything in the chapter that lay before her, but from what she understood, kyber crystals were living organisms. 

When hers had been split in two in the Throne Room it was as if something had split in two in Rey. 

She no longer felt like the same person she had been for all those years on Jakku. Her life had been a struggle since her parents had left her. 

She felt as broken as the crystal laying on the ground before her. However she had no other crystal available to her and she needed a lightsaber. 

Rey knew she had to find a way to repair and heal this crystal not  
only for her to use to build her own lightsaber, but also because she understood what it felt like to be broken. To be split in two. To want something she couldn't have, something she shouldn't want so badly that it made her soul ache. 

Since leaving Jakku and the awakening of her force powers, she felt like her life had been divided into two chapters. What had come before and what was to come afterwards. 

She was still Rey of Jakku, but at the same time she was something more than that. 

Her life had been turned upside down in such a short period of time. She honestly didn't know how to feel. 

As she read the next few pages, the text mentioned meditating with the crystals in order to strengthen the bond between the Jedi and the living organism. It was worth a shot to try and feel for them in the force. 

Rey hadn’t quite mastered meditation. In fact she was rather certain that she was completely horrible at it. 

Having come from a desert planet where standing still could mean being buried alive by the wind and the blowing sand, Rey had never felt the need to be still. 

The only thing she constantly thought about in all of her time on Jakku was survival. Her parents were always in the background, but in all honesty, the amount of energy she spent on surviving made meditating seem rather unimportant. 

What did she have to lose though? Worst case scenario, she would still have a broken kyber crystal and have spent some of her afternoon sitting on the floor while the rain came down outside. 

Rey began her meditation while listening to the rain fall on the roof of the base. It was a relaxing rhythm that differed from the sound of the rain falling on the roof of her hut on Ahch-To. 

As she sat crossed legged on the floor, her breathing slowed and she drifted off into a peaceful relaxing state. 

\---------------------------------

Kylo Ren left the last of his scheduled meetings and headed straight to his private training quarters. He couldn't get Rey off of his mind and he knew that sparring with one of his knights could result in one of them gleaning his emotions for her. 

It had taken every single iota of his mental capacity for him to concentrate on what was happening in his meetings and now he just wanted to destroy a bunch of training droids. 

As he entered his quarters Kylo removed his vest and arm guards. He wanted to exert himself physically and he knew he was going to work up a sweat. 

Kylo entered his training room and activated three training droids. The only thing he could think about right now was his need to forget about everything if only for a short while. 

In this room he could just be a man working out his frustrations and anger without having to navigate ruling the galaxy or talking to the woman he was falling in love with. 

Several hours and almost a dozen droids later Kylo Ren was covered in sweat and ready to pass out. After cleaning himself up in the fresher, he promptly passed out thinking of Rey. 

\---------------------------------

Deep in her meditation, Rey found herself on a beautiful planet near a lake. It reminded her of Takodana but she knew that this wasn’t somewhere she had ever been before. 

There were flowers blooming all around her and beautiful trees that were swaying in the breeze. She felt a sense of deep peace sitting there by the lake. 

Wherever she was it was beautiful. The temperature wasn’t too hot, nor was it humid. The sun shone down casting everything within view in a golden glow. 

Rey could feel the force humming all around her. She could feel the light side of the force enveloping her very being. But why was she here? she thought. What was the force trying to tell her? 

Rey stood slowly and started to wander around the lake. As she came around a bend, she saw a beautiful stone villa that was covered in vines on the far side of the lake. 

The scene took her breath away. She was so captivated by its beauty that she didn’t notice his force signature. 

Kylo Ren stood a few feet away from Rey. She was staring across the lake and he was surprised she didn’t notice him. 

She was dressed in a long and flowing yellow gown that radiated like sunlight. Her chestnut hair cascaded down to her shoulders in soft waves. He had never seen her hair fully down and he longed to run his fingers through it. 

Suddenly she turned to face him and he didn’t know how to react. He had been caught staring at this beautiful creature and he felt his cheeks turn red. 

“Why are you here?” she spat out with disdain. He could tell she wasn’t impressed so he chose his next words carefully.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he replied, “considering this is my grandmother’s home planet.” 

Her look changed from pure hatred to somewhat curious. Kylo took her speechlessness as an opportunity for peace and continued on calmly, “We are apparently in Lake Country on the planet of Naboo, although last I was aware I was sleeping in my bed in my quarters. Why have you brought me here Rey? What is the reason you wish to continue to torture me in person?”

“Torture you?” she screamed vehemently, suddenly remembering everything that had passed between them as if coming out of her daze. “How is my being here torturing you? I was here first! I am trying to meditate here and everything was peaceful until you showed up.” 

“Well obviously the force has a funny way of thrusting us together.” Kylo responded before realizing what he had said. He felt the tips of his ears burn red with the unintended innuendo. 

Kylo could feel the darkness stewing within her. He isn’t purposely trying to get a rise out of her, but he takes comfort know that she still feels something for him, even if it is only hatred. 

Without realizing it he takes several steps towards her, quickly closing the distance between them. 

Rey instinctively reaches for her weapon only to remember that she doesn’t have one. Hence the whole reason she’s here to begin with. 

She nervously backs up a step but can’t go any further since she has bumped into a tree. Her two options are flight or fight. 

Considering this is her dream and he’s the one currently ruining it she chooses to fight. Even if it’s only with words. 

“So why are we both here then?” she asks angrily while glaring up into his eyes. She’s never seen them up close in the daylight and she realizes they have flecks of gold in them. She holds her breath while waiting for his response. 

“I honestly don’t know Rey. My moth- Leia’s mother Padmé hailed from Naboo. I have only been here once and it was a long time ago. We visited to celebrate the Festival of Light which I am sure you would love. Naboo speaks to a place in my heart which I thought was dead. Even being here now, in this dream feels so real and so right. Can’t you feel it too?” 

She didn’t know how to respond so he continued on, “Obviously there is a reason why the force keeps connecting us. If only to make me realize how much I have lost.” 

She was staring at his lips while he spoke. She could feel his body heat emanating off of him in calm waves. Her heart was beating so fast she almost didn’t catch what he said next. 

“Why does every time I see you make me feel like I am being torn in two Rey? It is like the force wants me to relive biggest mistake of losing you by making me see what exactly I could have had had I been a better man, had I been enough for you.” 

She opened her mouth to give him a snarky retort and nothing came out. She was blown away by his honesty and had no idea how to respond. His eyes emoted so much pain, yet underneath that pain she could sense his desire for her. 

It was a desire she shared, albeit begrudgingly but it was nonetheless potent. In that moment he realized that she could feel his desire, and that she also still desired him too. 

She looked like she was going to run away from him again, her eyes were full of regret and sadness. It was as if he was under her spell. He needed to make himself understood before she pushed him away. 

“The past few days have been so difficult for me Rey. Not just after what happened between us on the Supremacy but everything else. Hux wants to chase after every lead we have on the Resistance and wipe your lot out for good. I’ve been doing my best to get him off your scent but it is hard work fabricating false leads. All the while, I’m trying to curb his radical ideas of enslaving the entire galaxy but it isn’t easy to reason with him. He’s got fanatics behind him that believe the same bantha crap as he does and it is hard for me to find allies within their ranks. My only saving grace right now are my knights. They’re the only ones I trust to be loyal to the end. I don’t know how to be the Supreme Leader Rey, and most of the time I don’t know if I even want to be. But I do know that I want to make the galaxy a better place, and mostly it is because of you.” 

Rey was shocked by his frankness. She hadn’t even thought about what he was going through since she had been so caught up in his betrayal. Her emotions warred within her. She took a deep breath and looked him straight into his eyes. 

“This is what you chose Kylo, as much as I know you are struggling with your choice you chose the First Order over me.” she said quietly and calmly. 

“I never wanted this without you.” he responded softly, “I always meant it for this to be us together, for you to be by my side through it all. I wanted to build a future that wasn’t Sith or Jedi, I still want that Rey, more than you will ever know. I just don’t know how to be that without you. I don’t think I am meant for it alone.” As he finished his last few words he stepped even closer to her. 

Rey struggled to think with his scent invading her space. She desperately wanted to go back to that moment in the Throne Room when the battle had just ended, right before they had separated. To freeze time before she ran to the viewport to see what was being done to the Resistance, and before he staggered towards the corpse of Snoke. She wanted to take back everything that had come after and run to him instead. Throw her arms around him and hold him close to her heart. 

Instead she chose to live in the moment that was now. As she looked up into his deep, tormented eyes, she knew what it was that they both needed. 

This beautiful setting made her want to light up all that was dark within him. She wanted to help him repair both their broken souls. So she did what felt right. 

She stretched up onto her toes, placed her hands on his cheeks, and she kissed him tenderly on the lips. He was momentarily caught off guard, but the shock of her actions soon wore off as he wrapped his arms around her. 

Shockwaves radiated outwards through the force that were felt by force sensitives throughout the galaxy. 

Before he could say or do anything else, Kylo Ren promptly awoke in his bed with the memory of Rey’s body pressed up against his. The feeling of her lips on his still lingers. Thinking to himself, he wonders if it was just a dream or was Naboo actually real?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for leaving things this way. Hopefully it will make sense next chapter. Just a reminder this is a slow burn but there will be eventual smut because I'm crazy about these two getting together. Hoping to get the next chapter up by next weekend. Let me know what you think!


	3. You don’t have to always question why there’s pleasure in pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey finally has her Supremacy debriefing with Leia and is she surprised by Leia's force abilities. Then things get a little awkward between Darth Darcy and Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday lovelies!!! This chapter is solely Rey's POV. Next chapter will focus more on Kylo and how he is dealing with, well everything (which isn't well if you ask me). Again, any errors are mine and mine alone.

Rey opened her eyes and found herself sitting on the floor in her quarters as if nothing had happened. But something had happened between them, she felt like they had crossed a threshold and that she was a changed woman. She could still feel the ghost of the kiss that they had shared before the bond had disconnected them. In that moment on Naboo she had wanted more. The feeling of harmony and rightness when they had kissed was undeniable. The spark between them was electric and she had wanted to lose herself in him. Her core ached with a sensation she had never acknowledged before. The only time she had ever felt this charged was in her hut on Ahch-To when they had touched hands. 

He made something stir inside of her that she didn’t know existed. Her feelings were so complex and confusing, on one hand she hated their connection since he was the reason she was on this kriffing planet hiding from the First Order in the first place. On the other hand even the thought of him was like a powerful drug. Rey knew that she could easily become addicted to him. Their connection was magnetic and potent, even being in his presence while dreaming was electrifying. 

He was the only one who understood her feelings of abandonment and she in turn understood how he felt abandoned himself. She could sense the conflict within him because she recognized that same conflict in herself. It was as if her other half was calling out to her, screaming of balance. Rey had felt so right being in his arms while kissing him, and even though their first kiss had been awkward, her whole body longed for more. When she had touched the scar on his face she couldn’t help but think that he was hers, she had marked him forever. 

She still didn’t understand why he had been there, she had been looking for answers on how to repair her broken kyber crystal, but instead his presence had drummed up more questions. What were his plans for the galaxy, how was he going to accomplish making things right? Why was he protecting her and the Resistance if he wanted to let the past die? 

Thinking back on what they had talked about, his honesty hadn’t surprised her, he had never lied in any of their previous conversations. Also she would have known if he was outright lying to her. She could sense the truth of his words when he spoke about what he wanted for their future. Rey was unsure if she would ever be able to forgive him for everything he had taken away from her, yet at the same time he had saved her life in the Throne Room more than once. She knew that he cared about her, but she felt torn. She could not survive being abandoned again. Rey didn’t know if she would ever be able to trust anyone, let alone trust Kylo Ren with her heart. 

Her body betrayed her though, she knew she wanted more of him, something deep inside her ached, and just the thought of their chaste kiss sent chills down her spine. Before she could continue to mull over everything that had just happened there was a soft knock at her door. Realizing that she was practically naked, she threw on her tunic and pants and opened the door. Finn stood with his fist raised about to knock again. 

“Hey Rey, the general was wondering if you had a minute to spare.” Finn waited for her response. Rey tried not to blush seeing as how he had interrupted her indecent thoughts of Ben with a summons from his mother. “Yeah sure, let me just put on my boots.” Rey responded. She was curious as to why Leia wanted to talk to her. They had briefly talked aboard the Falcon but she had yet to debrief Rey about what had happened on the Supremacy. She wasn’t sure what Leia knew, or how much she would be able to glean from Rey through the force. 

“Don’t be nervous Rey, I think you might be going on a mission from what I’ve gathered from Poe.” Finn interrupted her thoughts as she was lacing her boots. “Really?” was her response. “Yeah don’t tell him I told you but he mentioned going to meet a potential donor under the guise of a supply run. Apparently your force abilities make you the perfect undercover agent.” 

Rey allowed herself to take a deep breath of relief as they headed out into the corridor. She had explored the base over the past few days but it still was a bit of a maze. Some of the corridors were inaccessible due to them being covered in overgrown vines when the jungle had taken back the abandoned base. Her thoughts were all over the place as she walked side by side with Finn. 

“You ok peanut?” he asked. She blinked slowly and looked at him, thankful he wasn’t force sensitive and couldn’t read her thoughts. “Yeah, I haven’t been sleeping all that well.” she responded. There was no way she could talk to Finn about any of what happened. She knew there was history between him and Kylo, and she was afraid to lose his friendship because of her strange attachment to him. 

As they neared the general’s quarters, Rey put her mental shields up as best as she could. She was unsure of how well Leia could wield the force and she was afraid Leia would be able to see into her mind. Rey didn’t have answers for what had happened between her and Ben. Also, she didn’t want to expose herself and their link to the Resistance just yet.

Finn wished her luck and left her standing in front of Leia’s closed door. Before Rey could knock the door opened and she saw Leia sitting behind an old table that she was using as a desk. “Come in Rey, don’t worry about shutting the door.” Rey took a couple of steps forward and the door closed via the force. Obviously she has some skills, Rey thought to herself. 

“You wanted to talk to me?” Rey tried to hide the nervousness in her question, considering she had been thinking lewd thoughts about the General’s son a mere 10 minutes ago. “Yes, come in and take a seat.” Leia gestured to the chair across from her. The General was either impervious to Rey’s uneasiness or she was an apt politician. Regardless, Leia was better at navigating conversation and actually possessed social skills whereas Rey had no idea how to make small talk. Rey sat down across from Leia, hands folded in her lap and her face guarded. 

“I know that you have been through a lot in the past few weeks Rey.” Rey nodded not trusting herself to speak. “I can only imagine how you are feeling, being thrust into this fight without your consent. I wanted to make sure that you are doing ok, especially with everything that has happened since Starkiller.” 

Rey thought to herself that she could do this, she could open up about some of her experience. “It has been an adjustment but I feel like there is something calling to me, something that was always there but wasn’t always as tangible as it is now.” Rey said softly. Her words held double meaning but she hoped Leia wouldn’t read too much into them. 

“I’m very proud of you Rey, I want you to know that. You have done more for the cause in these last few weeks than I could have ever imagined. I just need to know if you’re ready to be the poster child that the galaxy is going to make you out to be. You see rumor has it that you defeated Snoke. There is a bounty on your head for more credits than you could spend in your entire lifetime. This makes you an unsung hero to our allies and unfortunately enemy number one to the First Order.” 

Rey’s thoughts were racing. She hadn’t thought about how Kylo would have spun what had happened on the Supremacy but obviously he would have lied in order to save himself. If Hux had proof of Kylo’s betrayal he would surely exploit it to oust Kylo from his seat of power. It made sense why he would have lied, and although she didn’t like being his scapegoat, she more than anyone else understood his need to survive. Leia was watching her think about what she had just shared, she was keen enough to sense that Rey needed a minute to herself. Rey realized that she should address what had just been said but how? Could she trust the General? A whisper in the force told her she could. 

Rey nervously crossed and uncrossed her legs, thinking of where to start. “I don’t know if I am ready to be more than just Rey of Jakku. I mean I don’t feel like I am worthy of being the role model for the Resistance. I’m just nobody from nowhere...” Leia interrupted her “We both know that you are more than what you give yourself credit for. I can feel the light resonating from within you. I knew you were outside my door. You glow with the force Rey, like you’ve been kissed with the light.” 

At the mention of the word kissed Rey blushed deeply. If Leia noticed she did not react, instead she gently continued on, “What really happened on the Supremacy Rey? I know there are things you can’t tell me but I need to know what we are dealing with in order to plan what our next steps will be. Anything you choose to share with me right now stays between us.” 

Rey took a deep breath, willing her thoughts away from her emotions for him. “I didn’t kill Snoke. Ky- Ben did.” There she finally said it aloud. It felt so good she couldn’t stop herself from adding, “Snoke tortured me, he went into my mind forcefully to find out where Luke was hiding. I tried fighting him but he was too strong, too powerful to even strike. He showed me the First Order blowing up the lifeboats that you were all escaping in. Then he used the force to make me kneel in front of Kylo and he told him to kill me.” 

Leia sat eerily still waiting for the rest of the story. She obviously knew that that hadn’t happened since Rey was sitting across from her. Rey wasn’t able to look Leia in the eyes she was so nervous to tell her the rest but something deep within her knew it was right for her to know. Rey took a deep breath and carried on softly, “Evidently he didn’t kill me. Instead he used Luke’s old lightsaber to sever Snoke in half. Snoke’s arrogance led to his demise. He did it to save me Leia.” As she finished her sentence she looked up into Leia's eyes. There it was done. Now it was Rey’s turn to wait while Leia processed this new information. 

She didn’t have to wait long. “Honestly Rey, I feel like I already knew the answer but I needed to hear it from you. He isn’t all darkness is he?” Rey wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Kylo was far from being all dark, just as she wasn't completely entrenched in the light. Rey's thoughts were swirling. Could it be possible that she was the light to match his darkness? Were they two sided of the same coin? What was it that Snoke had said in the Throne Room? Darkness rises and light to meet it. She was the light to his darkness. She pushed this train of thought down. This wasn’t the time and Leia was still waiting for her answer. 

“I think you already know the answer to that General, since you are his mother after all.” Leia smiled slightly, “Leia, Rey please call me Leia. My question is why Rey? I feel that you have a connection to him, I can sense him in you. I am extremely happy that he didn’t kill you Rey, but what are you to him? I’m not asking you to answer me, seeing as this is really none of my business. But I am asking you to think about what this means for the two of you. Please don’t let what he has done harden your heart to him. I - we made mistakes, his father and I. We sent him away when we should have accepted him for who he was. We were afraid of his power, afraid of his darkness. I knew from the moment I could sense him that it was there, the darkness has always been a part of him. I regret making the decision to send him away every single day. If you are ever lucky enough to have children of your own you’ll understand how hard it is to forgive yourself for causing your child pain. I still love my son with all of my heart. Regardless of what he has done he is still my Ben.” Rey sat and stared at Leia, she didn’t know how to reply. This was confirmation of what Ben had told her through the bond.

“As for you and your position here with us Rey, I want you to know that you are always welcome. I realize the transition has probably been hard for you, and that being surrounded by other people might be a bit of an adjustment. Whatever you need please let me know. I am here for you and I think that there are others who appreciate having you here too. I understand if you want to continue your training and exploring your force abilities. I would never want you to feel that you couldn't continue your training, this is a safe space for you to develop your skills. ” As Leia finished speaking, Rey’s eyes shone with tears. All that she had ever wanted in her entire life was to feel accepted and wanted. The fact that Leia was verbalizing such a heartwarming welcome made Rey very emotional. 

Rey struggled to get her emotions under control, but before she could say anything Leia spoke again changing the subject. “Just so you know, we are hoping to send Poe on a mission in two days. We need to know if the Falcon will be ready to fly.” Rey was quick to reply, “Chewie, Rose and I have almost finished the repairs from the damage sustained on Crait. She should be ready to fly by then.” Leia nodded and said, “Also, I was hoping you would be willing to co-pilot. From what I heard from Han, you definitely know your stuff. Poe could use your skill of reading people as well. I myself have found the force quite handy negotiating with people in the past.” 

Rey concealed her surprise. So far today had been quite revealing when it came to Leia’s force abilities. She had heard the story from Finn of how Leia was the only one to survive the bridge attack on the Raddus by flying through space back to the ship. Clearly Leia wasn’t to be trifled with, that much was for sure. 

“I would be happy to go with Poe.” Rey finally said. “Wonderful.” Leia rose from her seat and walked around the desk to stand before Rey. Rey stood as well, unsure of what else to do. Leia took Rey in her arms and gave her a big hug, much like the one she had given her on D’Qar after learning of Han’s death. Even though Leia was shorter than her, Rey felt safe in her arms, much like a small child would feel in their mother’s embrace. Leia moved slightly back to look Rey in the eyes and she gently placed her hand on Rey’s right cheek before softly speaking, “I see such a brightness in you Rey, don’t let it outshine all that you can be. The light is only half of the equation. Don’t forget you can’t see the stars without the darkness.” 

Rey didn’t trust her voice, so she nodded. Leia released her from her embrace. “Poe will update you on the mission as soon as we have finalized the details. We are hoping to make a supply run as well as meet up with a former sympathizer who will be donating credits to our cause. You do not need to worry about being identified, I am working on your disguise as we speak. I trust that you can keep all of this to yourself.” Without hesitation Rey replied, “Of course, Gen- Leia. Thank you for everything. After I go see if Chewie has made any progress this afternoon I will find Poe.”

Rey started to move towards the door as it opened. “Oh and Rey, please let my son know that I love him.” Thankfully Rey’s back was to Leia as her face would have definitely betrayed her surprise and shock. Rey glanced back over her shoulder to see a half smile on Leia’s face, much like the smirk she had seen Ben give her. She swallowed and turned back to walk out the door. Rey was sure that Leia wasn't calling her bluff, obviously Leia was much more skilled at reading her through the force than Rey originally thought. Rey set off to see if the rain had stopped and to find Chewie, who was most likely still at the Falcon with the stowaway Porgs.

As Rey walked through the base, she thought about everything that had just transpired between her and Leia. She was very thankful that Leia hadn’t asked her why she had went to the Supremacy, but she had definitely been surprised by her parting comment. Rey hoped that she hadn’t given away their connection seeing as how it seemed to be getting stronger and was more uncontrollable than she would like it to be. Rey made a mental reminder to peruse the sacred Jedi texts for mentions of force bonds the next time she had a spare minute. 

Clearly Snoke had lied when he said that he had been the one to forge the bond. That or it had manifested into something stronger than what it had originally been. Regardless, Rey couldn’t have the bond connecting randomly. She needed to learn how to control it as best as she could. 

As she walked out of the base towards the Falcon, she realized that the storm had passed. The late afternoon sun cast long shadows on the ground. Rey found Chewie and Rose working inside the Falcon on the flux capacitor. “How is everything coming along?” she asked Rose. 

Rose crawled out of the small space she had been working in and replied, “Well it seems like our list of repairs is quickly shrinking, but there are a couple of things I would like you to look at before we lose daylight if you have a minute to spare.” Rey followed Rose through the Falcon, happy for the distraction that hard work provided. 

Several hours later, both women emerged from the Falcon tired and covered in grease stains. Rey’s stomach grumbled. “I am going to hit the fresher before eating dinner.” Rose laughed and responded, “Me too. I highly doubt anyone would want to sit with us looking like this.” They parted ways and went back to their respective quarters. 

Rey entered her room to find the pieces of the lightsaber still on the floor with the Jedi texts. She had left in such a hurry earlier that she hadn’t had time to put her things away. Before she could though, she needed to clean herself up. Rey stripped down and stepped into her private fresher. It was still such a privilege to access to running water and a shower. The planet had ample amounts of fresh water and the first thing that her and Rose had done after arriving to the base and booting up the generator was to make sure that the water had been turned on. Rey stepped under the spray and let the events of her day wash away. She wasn’t used to this luxury but she definitely was taking advantage of it. The water relaxed her and calmed her turbulent emotions. The past day cycle had yielded a lot of information. She now had a bounty on her head and wouldn’t be able to show her face anywhere in the galaxy without attracting unwanted attention. She could undoubtedly handle any trouble that came her way but it would be more challenging without her lightsaber. Regardless, she wanted to help, she wanted to feel like she was a part of something. Although the more she thought about it, the belonging she had found with the Resistance still left her wanting more. Would she be happy living the rest of her life in refuge, hiding from the First Order and the bounty hunters who were after her? 

As she pondered her place in all of this mess, her thoughts drifted to what it would have been like if she had chosen to stay with him. Would she have been happy on a cold and sterile ship? Ruling the galaxy by his side? Before today she had thought he was so sure of himself, of his place in this story, but their conversation earlier had shown her that he was just as confused and lost as she was. 

If only they were different people, in a different set of circumstances, a different story. Her attraction to him was undeniable, as she washed herself she wished it was his hands on her body, caressing her gently. Rey’s core ached for him, her need was obvious. She had barely explored these sensations before he had so abruptly come into her life. She needed to control her thoughts before they got her into trouble. The last thing she wanted was for the bond to open up while she was thinking about him like this. Rey knew that whatever it was that was between them would not work. It could never work. One of them would always end up heartbroken. They were on opposite sides of this war. Rey stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself. She walked back into her room and sat down on her bed and started brushing her wet hair, her mind wandering. 

Rey thought back to their battle on Starkiller, of how the light had shone on his face when they had their sabers locked together. He had told her then that she needed a teacher, that he could show her the ways of the force. She had never felt so much power in her life as she had when she had closed her eyes and tapped into that same force that he spoke of. In that moment, it was as if something ferocious and profound had taken over her body. She had felt invincible and high on her abilities to command both the light side and the dark side. Her mind replayed the battle up to the point where she branded Kylo’s face and chest. She had gotten so much pleasure and satisfaction from his pain. Oh how she longed to go toe to toe with him again. Suddenly the air in her room changed, as if a vacuum sucked out all sound. 

Her hand stilled and she looked up to see a surprised Kylo Ren looking down at her where she sat. It was his turn to be embarrassed as his face turned red, yet his eyes did not stray from hers. Rey quickly stood up, not willing to be intimidated by him even though he was intruding on her in her private space. “What do you want?” she spat out. 

“What do I want?” he responded with a growl, “You are the one who called me here Rey. You’re projecting your thoughts so loudly that it seems that I don’t have a choice in the matter.” His voice was deep and it reignited the feelings she had tried to ignore in the fresher. “Don’t you have something you could put on, like a cowl or something?” He threw her words from Ahch-To back at her and they stung. 

“Well if you hadn’t just barged in on me maybe you wouldn’t have found me in this state of undress.” Rey’s retort was full of vehemence. His eyes left hers and wandered down her body, taking in the soft curve of her shoulders, her lean arms and her long, toned legs. It was as if he realized that yes, she was here, standing in front of him in almost nothing. Now it was her turn to blush. She could feel the colour rising to her cheeks as she took a shaky breath. 

“It’s just what you’re wearing right now is very...” - distracting - he thought through the bond, “I think that you are lovely in whatever you wear Rey.” He tucked a strand of wet hair behind her left ear and Rey’s breath hitched. His fingers lingered on her cheek for a second before they were interrupted by a knock on the door. Just like that he was gone. 

Rey groaned and yelled through the door. “Just a minute.” She quickly dressed and opened the door to find Rose standing there. “I was wondering if you were ready to grab some food, but when I arrived I heard voices. Who were you talking to Rey?” Kriff, kriff, kriffing, kriff Rey thought. How was she going to talk her way out of this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave you all hanging, there was a lot of plot building in this chapter which will hopefully make sense over the next few chapters. I really hope this read the way I wanted it to. Also it's my March break (teacher over here) so I'm aiming for another update later in the week :)

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think. I've been a closet reylo fanfic reader for almost a year and this is my first attempt at writing.


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